Wednesday, January 04, 2006

I RECEIVED A FEW huge DVD box sets for my Very Atheist Christmas (yes, I believe -- in Santa! Chew on that, Bill O'Reilly!). In one of them, one little disc is defective. I knew how this story was going to end, of course, but the discs themselves cost, what, a nickel to produce? And so I tracked down an e-mail address and a phone number for Sony Home Entertainment, the maker of said box set.

Sony didn't reply to either of my two e-mails, and so I went looking for a telephone number. Eventually I found one, and -- miracle of miracles -- one of the voice-mail options involved defective DVDs. That's where my luck ran out: The recording named two titles for which Sony was offering specific action, and then it said that for any other DVD I had to return it to the store.

I left a message anyway, explaining that I was doing them a favor (why replace a dozen DVDs and all the packaging and all the souvenir tchotchkes when you could make things good for a nickel and the price of a stamp?) and asking that they please return my call even if the answer was no. Well, miracle of miracles, they did return my call, but the answer was still no.

"We don't even have the individual discs," the nice man said.

I stopped myself from reciting the "Five Easy Pieces" scene, but I did mention the title. (Distributor: Sony!)

I'm not about to make a gift-giver feel bad about not saving the receipt, and so I guess I'll box up my discs and tchotchkes and become one of those people I hate and march into a random retail establishment and lie about their selling me a defective product.

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