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Thursday, March 24, 2005

"IDOL" CHATTER. Pathetic, I know. But I didn't want an entry on nothing but the part you'll find in boldface below.

This is my first season watching "American Idol." Boy, did I roll my eyes at Kelly and Justin and Ruben and Clay and all that crap. But now, alas, I'm hooked. The most recent episode, to flirt with going on-topic, was a rebroadcast to correct a copy-editing error! I really wanted to rank Tuesday's performances, but the gap between the top five and the bottom six was so immense, I decided to simply place them in those groups:

First (tie). BO BICE, "Time in a Bottle." The better of the two token rockers has been consistently good, and this was no exception. I'm a sucker for '70s singer-songwriter stuff, but I think even those who aren't would have to admit that the unplugged Croce number was very well done.

First (tie). VONZELL SOLOMON, "The Best of My Love." Darn, it was the Emotions song. I would have loved to see her do the Eagles one. I thought Vonzell was expandable for the past two or three votes, near the bottom of the pack, but this time she stood out as one of the stars.

First (tie). JESSICA SIERRA, "Total Eclipse of the Heart." Ballsy song selection! She made it work, though. Strong voice, sweet and understated presence.

First (tie). CARRIE UNDERWOOD, "Alone." The token country girl has long been the favorite of this non-country boy. Carrie's voice is and always has been great, but her trademark as a finalist has been stage presence, and something strange is happening on that front. She looked as if she belonged up there until two or three weeks ago, when she suddenly started looking quite the opposite -- really scared. Maybe it's the non-country songs. This episode's finance-company jingle ("How will I get you a loan?") was fine but not outstanding. But the judges, even Simon, still love her, so what do I know?

First (tie). SCOTT SAVOL, "Against All Odds." Against all odds indeed. Maybe it's because he started out as a big fat outcast, but I've been rooting for the 1,700-pound dirtball (some sould say "wigger") with the big, clear voice. If he had to pick Phil Collins schlock, he picked one of the less-offensive examples.

* * *

Last (tie). CONSTANTINE MAROULIS, "I Think I Love You." Simon gave him too much grief for the intentionally tacky song selection, but I don't think the performance was that good. I'm not sure how much longer this competition will be big enough for both him and Bo. (A little tip, Conster: Don't hold the microphone like a hot dog. Never again.)

Last (tie). NADIA TURNER, "Time After Time." I can't believe none of the judges noticed this, but while they were distracted by her mohawk hairdo, she was botching some lyrics in spectacular fashion. "Caught up in circles" turned into -- I'm serious -- "always with zburkles." Confusion is nothing new indeed! Was I really the only one who heard that? I liked Nadia a lot, but this wasn't so hot, even discounting the zburkles.

Last (tie). MIKALAH GORDON, "Love Will Lead You Back." She's insufferable, yes, but I really thought she had a Barbra Streisand quality. I wanted to see her in a remake of "What's Up, Doc?" Slowly but unfortunately, she's turning into Cher.

Last (tie). ANTHONY FEDEROV, "I Knew You Were Waiting for Me." Not a bad song selection, but the hockey superstar and former Anna Kournikova husband continues to skate on the thin side after a promising start.

Last (tie). NIKKO SMITH, "Incomplete." Incomplete indeed. The son of Hall of Fame slugger Phil Rizzuto didn't deserve his later-luckily-reversed elimination, but this performance of a song that nobody has ever heard of, from an artist that nobody has ever heard of, didn't do it for me. The judges disagreed.

Last (tie). ANWAR ROBINSON, "Ain't Nobody." I really wish he could get rid of the stupid artificial smile, but he truly does seem to be genuinely and hopelessly good-natured. I liked him better earlier, though. The nasal white-guy voice just isn't working -- the gesticulating and dancing and forced audience participation of this performance made up the perfect example of not-at-all-funky masquerading as funky. At this point, I don't think the Republicans' determination to drill in him for oil is such a bad thing. (The judges kept saying he was doing a Chaka Khan song, but everybody knows Chaka Khan had only one song and this was not it. I feel for them.)

Who should go? Votes are based on more than just the last performance, of course, and so I would have to say Nadia is quite safe. Anwar, Nikko, Anthony, Mikalah and Constantine, not so much. I'd keep Mikalah for novelty value, for now. I'd be satisfied with any combination from the Anwar-Nikko-Anthony-Constantine group when the next elimination time arrives.

Second opinion.

Third opinion (still waiting)?



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