Off-Topic

I LOOKED IN on my college newspaper for the first time in a while and found this priceless string of non sequiturs in the beloved Police Beat column:

The woman first said that the pills were Oxycodone and said she had gotten them from her doctor for her teeth.

The woman later admitted that she had gotten the pills from her friend, who was the daughter of a mafia boss.

The woman said she had found the UA keys in a Jack in the Box and said she didn't know what they were.

The keys looked like they had been run over by a car, reports stated.

Extra points, as always, for a Jack in the Box reference. In Tucson, the Mexican-food capital of the world (what, you thought that would be in Mexico?), I routinely walked a mile for J-in-the-B's Chicken Supreme sandwich. I report this not with shame, but with regret for all those wasted opportunities.