Friday, September 24, 2004

"SURVIVOR: ISLAND OF BOOBS." It's actually "Survivor: Vanuatu," but the main criterion for selecting female contestants in the show's ninth go-round seems to have been huge fake boobs. The born-again Christian who's older than me has huge fake boobs. (Oddly, the sheep-farming Britney Spears look-alike apparently doesn't. I guess that's why she got voted out.)

So far I've verified only one Official Slut Lower-Back Tattoo, but there must be more.

Maybe the pool of non-plastic aspirants has gotten pretty small by now. In another generation or so, all women will have huge fake boobs and Official Slut Lower-Back Tattoos. At some point can we agree to just stop it? Just call that a "gimme"? "Stipulate," as the lawyers like to say, that all women are created with huge fake boobs and Official Slut Lower-Back Tattoos and then stop defacing ourselves?

Oh, I'm the bad guy? Fine. Entrust yourself to these assholes.

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