Off-Topic

LET'S PLAY "DOCTOR." Turn on your TV and follow along.

I'm Dr. Greg Cynaumon . . .

Well, at least he uses his full name -- none of this Dr. Phil, Dr. Laura, Dr. Nick stuff. Oh, wait.

OK, let's see, Greg SEE-nuh-moan . . . author, former cop, talk-show host, creator of the Phonics Game, therapist, dream analyst, advertising wiz. But doctor? Uh, no. He, apparently does, however, have "both a masters and doctorate in psychology."

. . . and no offense to casual dieters, but if you only want to lose five to 10 pounds, then CortiSlim is not for you.

Ah, yes. The brilliant "we don't want your business" technique. Greg is definitely an ad wiz.

CortiSlim is the weight-loss capsules created by my associate Dr. Talbott for people who are disgusted with diets and quickly want to lose 15 pounds or more.

Ten? Peanuts. Fifteen? Now we're talking. This is the capsules.

And, oh, his associate Dr. Talbott. Last name only, so he's definitely a real doctor, right?

No, but Shawn Talbott is "one of America's leading lifestyle experts." He holds a master’s degree in exercise science from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst and a Ph.D. in nutritional biochemistry from Rutgers University, and he looks impressively youthful.

Dr. Talbott's hormone research has been featured in Ladies' Home Journal, Psychology Today and Redbook.

LHJ, baby! Take that, New England Journal of Medicine! Eat my shorts, Lancet!

The conclusion: It's not your fault that you're overweight.

Did I mention that the first non-doctor mentioned above was an ad wiz?

Stress causes you to overproduce a fat-retaining hormone called cortisol, and it directs fat to be stored in cells around your tummy, thighs and stomach.

Your tummy and your stomach.

Non-prescription CortiSlim controls cortisol so you release those excess pounds, and CortiSlim stifles your appetite while enhancing your metabolism so you eat less as you burn calories and shed inches. Drop 15 to 50 pounds with CortiSlim.

Fourteen pounds? Don't sell yourself short. Fifty-one pounds? In your dreams.

Meanwhile, on the screen:

Formulated by Doctors
Created by Science

Doctors? Where? (I don't call myself a "bachelor.")

FIRST 25 CALLERS - Buy 2 Get 1 FREE
30-Day Money Back Guarantee

What money? Nobody ever said anything about a price.

And this is interesting: Shawn Talbott is one of the reviewers on Amazon.com recommending one of Dr. Greg's books! Sure, I'd do something like that, but probably not if I had the money that these guys must be raking in.