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Saturday, March 16, 2002

"WITH A LITTLE MUSTARD." "A teensy bit of mustard." "The slightest hint of mustard." All of the above could lead to Dijon poisoning.

I'm still trying to happen upon the code words that will prompt a "sandwich artist" to exercise a little restraint with the condiments. I understand that people say "a little" just to hear themselves talk, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that the phrase is ignored. But the other alternatives don't seem to work either. When I order the ol' standby No. 44, the people at Cosi still wield the vinaigrette squeeze bottle as though they're reenacting an audition for "Backdraft." Ask for "a little mayonnaise" with any regularity and you might as well book your operating room now (I'll leave you to insert your own "Mayo Clinic" joke).

Coming soon: Comparing the sandwich shops.

I'm reading:Kingsley Amis, The King's English



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